Your Mental Health Matters More Than the Lifestyle

 

It is okay to decide that something you once enjoyed is no longer right for you.

You do not owe anyone access to your time, your energy, your body, or your emotional wellbeing.

Healthy boundaries are not something that gets in the way of the lifestyle. They are part of what makes ethical non-monogamy healthy in the first place.

Mental health can also have a major impact on relationships.

When we are overwhelmed, anxious, insecure, exhausted, or struggling personally, communication can become harder. Small issues can feel bigger. Jealousy may become stronger. Reassurance may feel more necessary. Misunderstandings can happen more easily.

That does not mean someone is bad at non-monogamy.

It means they are human.

One of the healthiest things partners can do is regularly check in with each other about more than just schedules, boundaries, and upcoming plans.

Ask how your partner is actually doing.

Ask if they feel supported.

Ask if anything has been weighing on them.

Ask if the lifestyle is still feeling positive for them.

And most importantly, create a relationship where the honest answer is welcome.

Sometimes the strongest thing someone can say is, “I’m not doing great right now.”

The same goes for friendships and community.

Lifestyle communities can become incredibly close. People travel together, attend events together, celebrate together, and sometimes become like family.

That also means we have an opportunity to look out for one another.

Check in on the friend who suddenly stops attending events.

Reach out to the person who seems quieter than usual.

Ask someone how they are doing and actually listen to the answer.

Not every struggle is obvious.

Sometimes the people who appear the happiest in the room are carrying things nobody else knows about.

And if you are the person struggling, asking for help is not weakness.

Talk to someone you trust.

Talk to your partner.

Talk to a friend.

Talk to a counsellor, therapist, psychologist, doctor, or another qualified professional if you need additional support.

There is no party, event, relationship, or lifestyle experience important enough to sacrifice your wellbeing for.

Ethical non-monogamy is ultimately about communication, consent, respect, honesty, and connection.

Those same principles should apply to the relationship you have with yourself.

Listen to yourself.

Respect your limits.

Protect your peace.

Give yourself permission to rest.

And remember that sometimes the most important relationship you can work on is the one you have with yourself.

The lifestyle will still be there.

Your mental health deserves to be taken care of first.

Take care of yourself.

Take care of your partner.

Take care of your friends.

And take care of each other.

— DK Apparel